Love God's Way is Worth the Risk
As Believers, we have to master love. The Bible says hope and Faith are great, but the greatest of these is love. My mother is a licensed professional counselor with decades of experience and observation of people’s dynamics in love. Link to Pure Serenity Counseling, LLC HERE. Below is a glimpse of a recent dialogue in which I’ve extracted names (not her clients, she wouldn’t share that) for anonymity purposes. I’ll begin this HERspace Blog with the quote: Love God’s Way is Worth the Risk.
In conversation with my mom, she shared that life is a risk, and we take so many of them every day. Getting in the car is a risk - - living in America (to some) is a risk. In her counseling practice, she noted that people do not like taking risks with matters of the heart. At the root, she said, is fear. Although many do and will enter relationships and even marriage, many people are only truly “with” the shell of a person. She shared that many clients admit to hurting others before they’re hurt. Not giving their all in relationships due to prior stories or old relationships. They’re not trusting; so, they do not truly love. I offered the perspective that there is the other end of the spectrum where some self-sabotage early on or are overly critical of themselves or their partners to a detriment. Others are assessors (like me) and take the initial inventory, and when something doesn’t match or the math isn’t mathing, they leave before it ever gets started.
My mom concluded fear of relationships has to be top five in her practice observation, and it’s mostly due to individuals bringing in undealt with hurts, baggage, and damage that they dump, spread, or attribute to the new person. Subsequently, the cycle continues of being in a relationship but never really “IN.” This is why preventive counseling is essential before entering some relationships, but it is also imperative that people be open to making a transformative change.
Vulnerability is making yourself susceptible to attack or harm. In a relationship, a person can only hide for a limited time. When the truth and fullness of who they are is out (sometimes exposed), their partner is at a pivot. They can either cover – help - love OR choose a negative alternative. My mom offered that people are human and make mistakes, and all actions are not intentionally meant to hurt another even if they do. This statement reminded me of the verse, even wounds from a friend you can trust but kisses from an enemy are multiplied (Proverbs 27:6). My mother furthered that our trust and Faith must continually be in God in making a love connection. Even if our choice turns out not to be the best for a season, God heals and covers. Therefore, we can go in our relationships open as perfect love casts out all fear.
This made me reflect on God’s perfect plan of choosing. In our decision-making, He doesn’t shut off our brains. In deciding the who's who of our life, there is a place for your head and heart. Some choices are a “no duh” do not do it while others are an absolute YES. But how do you know? Are we to base our love connections solely on who they are today? This is where the heart… feeling … love … the internal compass i.e. where the Holy Spirit resides as a guide comes in. I saw the quote below, love is a feeling, not a decision. It caused me to pause as a Professor of Law, one of my favorite sayings is FACTS over feelings. I’ve been asked when making decisions, what rules, the head or the heart. Almost immediately my response was my head. When I began to analyze this method, I realized it was a combination of the head and heart for me. The Father has given me good judgment and prudence to make decisions (my head). At the same time, HE resides in my heart. He often downloads a “knowing” some may call discernment or an inclination as to which way to go and I follow it. To this day, that inner knowing has never misled me.
Keep your head in following your heart. Here is a true story:
A 32-year-old woman was engaged to the love of her life. One day, her fiancé shared that he truly loves her but made a humongous mistake. He said before he gave her the details, that he was sincerely sorry, he vowed never to make the same mistake twice but understood the choice was up to her. So, what did he do? He had sex with another woman during their relationship and found out during their engagement that the other woman was pregnant with his child. Their wedding was a few months away. The woman’s head and heart were conflicted. Has this ever happened to you - - which way did you choose? Back to the story, in her life experience, once a cheater always a cheater. It seemed unwise to her to marry a man who cheated, and they would have to rear a child as a result of his indiscretion. This was not the plan. Her heart was saying she loved him and believed he made a mistake that he would at least endeavor not to make again. But would he be successful for a lifetime in not cheating again? The woman felt as though her moral compass was saying to move ahead, FORGIVE, and marry him anyway. The wife of this story is now deceased.
What decision do you think was best in this scenario - - the head or the heart?
We have the privilege of knowing the end of this story. She did follow her heart and married her then-fiancé. They went on to have a family for over four decades. He turned out to be a model husband that other men still revere and praise his love for his wife and family. & guess what? Per his confession, he kept his promise made during the engagement, and marriage vows their entire union.
LOVE was worth the risk. Would it still have been worth it if the story went the opposite route? This risk of an alternative halts many from ever truly finding or being in love. I wish I could end this HERspace Blog with the perfect answer for every scenario, but I cannot.
I will say that it is impossible to eliminate the risk. The risk of others’ actions or responses towards you. But - - you can always bet on love God’s way. It is worth the risk! How do you differentiate between love that isn’t His way? Love His Way is an attitude. Do you know one of those people who does not play about their significant other, children, or some other close relationship? Love His Way simulates this fierce commitment and protection. It says whatever He speaks, however He leads - - I will do & follow. Love God’s way is knowing His Word. What did He tell you? What does the actual Word i.e. the Bible say regarding this loving relationship? These two should not be in conflict. Finally, love God’s way is being led by His guidance (the Holy Spirit), despite what it looks like. Doing love this way is worth the risk.
After doing the aforementioned, I say to the readers, choose your choice. Whatever route (person) you decide to love. Do it fully. Loving God’s way applies to all relationship types. Make the shift from head to heart that is loving God’s way. Believe that He truly has the INsider tract, and He will lead you in a way that ultimately takes you to His designed end. He knows the end from the beginning. Trust God and love His way.
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